Does my nose look big in this Muppet?

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MISS PIGGY JOURNALISM MANIFESTO

Miss Piggy Journalism is the daughter of gonzo journalism; she likes to write about herself, and hog the microphone.

Miss Piggy also has a fascination with her looking glass, and taking the attention away from every other female character and even playing their parts. She can also be called Alicia Bee, Alice in Wonderland, the New Dharma Bum, Penny Lane and the Queen Bee.

Miss Piggy was a performer with an ego, and sung some nice duets with Elton John, Dolly Parton and Alice Cooper.

The time is now; the world needs a good pig these days because swine flu destroyed its image. And there was only one Hunter S Thompson who gave birth to a generation of pig journalists who are now on Twitter, and load thousands of  self portrait photos onto Facebook.

Miss Piggy was one of the few female characters in The Muppets so I had to pick her to use as a strong image.

Janice the lead guitarist musician character also shared that title, and acted as Piggy’s bridesmaid in Muppets Take Manhattan.  There was also Annie Sue who was Miss Piggy’s understudy on the Muppet Show. She was younger, smaller and less intelligent than Miss Piggy.  My favorite was actually Yolanda who was Rizzo’s girlfriend, also a rat with blonde hair in a ponytail. She was also one of Piggy’s bridesmaids in the wedding, and I loved her the most and always looked for her in the chorus line of singing.  Then there was Gonzo’s girlfriend Camilla who was a chicken; but  she doesn’t really speak so she is not a developed character,  though she too also played one of Piggy’s bridesmaids in the wedding. And there are so many male characters. Truthfully; I am going to start a gang of Muppet Journalists of a new generation and will be running with Tom Wolfe for his last writing years and days of politics.

Free Range Pig Farming.

I declare now of my intentions to sideline as a supporter of  free range pig farming to make people more aware of the meat they consume.

I believe meat eaters who don’t have plans of becoming a vegetarian should be more thoughtful when shopping, and we can erase cruel killing practices and improve the meat industry.

This blog is about being mindful when shopping all the time.

JOB ADVERTISEMENT : Wanted music writers and experiential journalists needed to form a NEW JOURNALIST GANG and complete a world tour with music bands, politicians, social rights movements, religious retreats and fashion designers parties. Needed are people to play Fozzy , Kermit, Janice and Animal and there are other female positions as my understudy and bridesmaids.
We also need a chef, and a fashion designer to play Hilda and make us clothes and take us to Paris Fashion Week. There is a real need for people with a science major to play Beaker + Bunsen Honeydew and add up our accounts when the “Rolling Thunder from Down Under” moves its boxing Hurricane to the plane.

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FROM ‘THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS JAR’.

53.b. Miss Piggy with Pepper.

It is here that I pause to define a new journalism style similar to gonzo-journalism that was perfected in this backpackers hotel. It is perhaps female by nature; when society still banned girls from being allowed to be a drunk buffoon, because it was deemed unladylike even by modern equal sexes standards.

Like every music journalist, I had wanted to be Hunter S Thompson but no-one would allow it or really give the title to me; even if I was better at doing it than most men in rock and roll.

I am naming it after another muppet, because it’s similar but an entirely different character of journalist personality.

It is Miss Piggy journalism, the name seemed so great and history breaking; I thought it had already been done, and researched it online to find no copyright.

It’s the three words Miss + Piggy + Journalism. If you can imagine Miss Piggy having a tantrum and always caring about herself more than other people, then you would be close.

As the first Miss Piggy Journalist; I would openly talk about myself and how above everyone I was, coming of age as this highly evolved ego centre in Penny Lane’s Backpacker Hotel.

I had a dream about Hunter S Thompson last year and he spoke to me directly at this point in the hotel and advised me that “it was important to tell them how hard it was for you to get this story out, they are not going to understand it”, in a slow drawl like he’s William S Burroughs himself.

Miss Piggy journalists don’t interview their interviewees, they just talk about themselves.

My speciality was using an honesty technique that I termed, “you give a little, you get a little”.

My thought was that I would get to know the strange aggressor naturally in a social situation, and by putting myself on the line without fear. I was telling my life story, and trading it for confidence; at the time with a desire to make a new friendship rather than interview someone. It was not a journalist idea, though many could say it was derived from that instinct.

The idea also wasn’t born of vanity, though it may seem so. The term ‘Miss Piggy’ makes it seem more vacuous; but it can be seen as bold.

Attempting to get a natural flow of conversation, I admitted to my actual feelings as a way of creating a bridge. I told the stories to get to know the new people who were hostile towards me.

That’s what I had been doing all this time when there were large chunks of monologue from me, and only short parts from the other people.

It is Miss Piggy journalism; it’s all about me. I was and always am IN the news story. I don’t cry till it’s all over.

Why think about the murderer, when you can get to know another person who is really good? Do you really want to get to know Clayton Weatherston? The guy is a psychopathic man who committed one of the worst crimes in New Zealand. Who wants to hear more about him?

Instead why not see a very real portrait of a man that desired fame via committing murder. Why not watch an outsider in his first male female social situation in a recreational environment? Why not find out what he was like from the true character that we saw in hotel, instead of the rehearsed ‘Narcissist’, ‘ladies man’ ‘popular guy’ image that he lied to tell everyone he was in that  year long kangaroo court. He wasn’t at all cool, and I found out he lied consistently through the trial.

My honesty is a defence to say that I wasn’t afraid, and it worked. I won, and am the hero. The Buddhist pacifist won over the psychopathic murderer. She even taught him to meditate! He even said she was right! Talking was so powerful he couldn’t murder her. In fact he became one of her biggest fans.

New journalism frowned upon journalists that put themselves in the story too much, but this style puts the writer in an equal place in the social situation and gives them the rider, clothes and a magazine deal.

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Cheap Hotel Room

[ From Bathers On The Beach Alicia Bee  © 2010 ]

When you go there; stay in my cheap hotel room,

You can see it has a window in the roof,

The best room you can get in a bad hotel.

There won’t be vase flowers to greet; my petal,

This is the only room there without a view,

When you go there; stay in my cheap hotel room.

You’ll have to prepare your own backpackers’ food,

It’s walking distance from every local,

The best room you can get in a bad hotel.

(They’ll) Sing ‘Hotel California’ on worn vocal,

You can walk around by yourself in the nude,

When you go there; stay in my cheap hotel room.

Though my body used; that doesn’t make it rude,

I go back there often; it wasn’t fatal,

The best room you can get in a bad hotel.

I’m not saying it for the tourism boom,

It’s another web I weave on my book loom,

When you go there; stay in my cheap hotel room,

The best room you can get in a bad hotel.

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